So....I realize that it has been a while since I have updated. Not that anyone reads it, but it is good for me to have somewhere to write out my thoughts.
I have been seeing a therapist at the Anxiety and Stress Disorder Institute at Shepphard Pratt. For those of you who don't know, this is essentially a mental hospital. I am receiving outpatient services. For now. But that's another topic for another time.
For now I am seeing this therapist and I am doing "exposure therapy." This basically means that he is going to force me to have panic attacks and deal with those feelings head on. I have to do something everyday that causes me to get anxious. Talk about uncomfortable. I am absolutely terrified. What person, in their right mind, would willingly drive to see someone who is going to INDUCE panic. I spend so much time and so much energy avoiding those sensations and feelings and now I am supposed to not only allow them to happen, but I am supposed to look forward to it????
The whole idea is that by allowing the panic to happen, I am gaining power of this monster inside of me. I am not the monster. I am just a woman who happens to freak out upon experiencing sensations that everyone feels--my body just reacts differently. It does make me feel slightly less alone in all this to know that anxiety is a perfectly normal thing to feel.
It's been 2 weeks and I am not feeling better at all. In fact, here it is 5pm on a Friday and I am still in my pajamas and sitting on the couch. I haven't even brushed my teeth yet. Gross, I know. But no one is here to see it. I'll probably hop in the shower soon so then I can at least make it look like I made some effort today when my husband walks through the door.
Here's to hoping that these truly are the first steps to recovery. I'm not sure I can do worse.
9 years ago
Way to go!!! This is just the start to some great work you're going to do. If you stick with the consistent exposure work in addition to the thinking shift of "I want this anxiety", you can't help but begin feeling better, really. I'll keep checking in to see how it's going. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteOoh, I wanted to add that you're also really close to some great resources: The Ross Center (Jerilyn Ross) in D.C.; James Gordon's "The Center for Mind-Body Medicine" in D.C.; and Reid Wilson's Anxiety Clinic in Durham, N.C. I went to one of his weekend groups & it was great - here's my account of the weekend - hope it's helpful: http://theanxietygirl.blogspot.com/2009/01/what-are-you-willing-to-risk.html
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story on here...it truly helps to hear about someone else going through the same thing I am. I don't wish it on anyone else, but it makes you feel LESS alone :)
ReplyDeleteI feel what you are saying about your relationship with your husband, I am a newlywed as well...been married for a little over a year and a half. I manage my anxiety enough to not get him involved as much as I am tempted to. When it first hit me (about 7 months ago) I was melting down daily and he was supportive and understanding, but now if I do bring it up he kinda tunes me out. I love him dearly, but he is a little caught up in his own world...unfortunately he doesn't have a TON of patience for my anxiety, so I just keep it to myself. He is a VERY social person and always wants to go out here and there (which is why we made a good couple b/c I was the SAME way), but now I have to FORCE myself to do thing I don't wanna do, I HATE anxiety :(
Anyways, please know that you're not alone and I will keep you in my prayers...YES, prayer works, YES handing over any issues/concerns/anxious thoughts to God is sooo incredibly helpful, YES my faith in God has gotten me through some really tough situations. He is a healer! I don't wanna push it on you, but there is a God and He loves you more than you can fathom...
I'll be following you and am "anxious" to hear how you're coming along! Good luck sweetie!
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