May 8, 2009

So....I didn't exactly accomplish everything on my to do list for today. Instead, I decided I was going to allow myself to by flexible and just go with the flow today. I did do a load of laundry, make the bed, and clean the kitchen floor. But also did SO MUCH MORE :) I didn't just stop at the floor. I deep cleaned my ENTIRE apartment!! It felt really good to do this because I usually do not have the energy or desire to take on such a big project. Of course, I had to sacrifice my exercise, which I know is important, but I still feel good about how I spent my time. And even better about the fact that I didn't just sit around stare at the computer all day.

As I sit here writing this, I feel a looming sense of anxiety. I am little concerned about something that I'm not quite ready to share. In fact, I'm just hoping it will all go away. I know that I should be completely open about my thoughts, but for now I need to keep these thoughts to myself until I can sort through them a little more thoroughly.

Yes, my husband and I got into a huge fight AGAIN last night. This time because (although it is none of my business) I strongly disapprove of his boss' behavior. This man has a wife and a 1 year old at home, yet he goes out many nights and is out of town even more frequently than my husband. I truly believe that if this works for them, then fine. But the argument was more about how I was telling him that this would never work for me and he was telling me how he didn't see a problem with it. What happened to the man I married? The man whose priorities were the same as mine--raising a healthy, happy family together. It seems he has been taken over by career man who doesn't have a problem putting our future hypothetical family above his need to be the best at his job. I know people change, but I fear that after 7 short months, he and I have started changing in opposite direction instead of together. How do we get back on track? I love him so much and that's why I plan to keep trying. It's just that sometimes I feel like I am talking to a stranger.

I know that anxiety effects a person's loved ones too and I assume that this is just as much my fault as it his, but I can't seem to find a way to reverse this course we've set ourselves on. A few hours ago, we spoke on the phone and made a pact that not only are we not going to fight all weekend, but we are going to have a fabulous weekend together. In love.

So, this weekend is going to be busy one. I have a little bit of a challenge before me tomorrow. My best friend is throwing a surprise party for her fiance and I have to get there early and decorate for her. All alone. Or at least in a room full of people who I don't know. For one hour. I want to try to do it, but I think I may try to convince my husband to help me. Just so I'm not so all alone.

No list for the weekend. It's too unpredictable. I'll check back in on Sunday to make plans for Monday. 2 days...I think I can make it.

Here's to have a good weekend with my husband.