General Musings on my Anxiety

People are literally crawling out of the woodwork to talk to me about their anxiety. Since I "came out" about 2 months ago and opened up about my anxiety issues to the world, I have had at least 4 people come to me seeking advice. ME??? What do I know? I guess these people missed the whole part where I said I have anxiety and I am just starting to figure it all out. Don't get me wrong, I love the sense of community that has come from my openness. I just don't understand why I am now the resident expert in my circle of friends. And just to be clear, I am not talking about you, my blogging friends. I love talking with you all!! And I love talking to the people I know in real life, as well. I just find it strange. And by strange I mean that I secretly love it :)

Of course, there will always be those people that don't understand and they will always be the majority, but those few people who do understand exactly what I am going through make it so much easier to just be myself. This, coupled with the fact that I am starting to feel so much better, I have begun thinking about what it is that I want to do with myself. Now that the anxiety is beginning to dissipate, I am actually looking forward (GASP) to getting a real job! I wish that there was some capacity that I was qualified to help others with anxiety--other than the fact that I lived through it and came out clean on the other side. Getting another degree just isn't in the cards for me, so I am trying hard to brainstorm ways in which I can be of service to anxiety disorder community in some way. So far, I got nothing....but at least I'm planning. PLANNING for the FUTURE!!

On another note, my husband has another business trip this weekend. He is going out to Colorado. The good news is that it is a short trip. 3 days, 2 nights. Certainly, I can live through that, but I know it isn't going to be easy. Normally when these trips are approaching I allow the anxiety to build up weeks in advance, so that when it finally surfaces, it ain't even close to pretty. I am trying really hard this week to not anticipate feeling anxious about his being gone. Instead I am enjoying these days together and allowing for the fact that there is a good chance I will have a panic attack after he leaves. But AFTER is ok. After is normal. And after will rise and fall. It always does. This is his first trip away since I started my treatment program and this will probably be my biggest test. I am keeping my confidence level high and reminding myself that the anxiety this trip creates will only make me stronger. I am welcoming this anxiety because it is an opportunity for me to grow.

So, I'll keep you posted on that. Also, I will update you on the state of my marriage in general as there was a lot of bitching about that in the beginnings of this blog....stay tuned.

Here's to living and loving my anxiety....